Senseless
by ThePearBear
Summary: I assumed I was going to die. It sure as hell felt like it. But now, my only goal is to find him again. Jake Lonergan, I will find you.


**Disclaimer: I don't own _Cowboys & Aliens_, this film belongs to DreamWorks and who ever else. **

**AN: I will try to keep it canon, but please don't get angry because I can't keep the boys in character all the time so I apologize for my OOC-ness in the future. But enjoy _Senseless_!**

The first thing I'm conscious of is the pain, the intense, burning pain. It is familiar, I have felt this once before. The first time I died, using the native terms, if I am correct. If I wasn't in such pain I would smile, remembering Jake's bewildered face as I rose from the tall flames, seemingly resurrected. As I said, this is not new pain. However- this time I don't walk out infront of men, completely nude. No, this time I step out of the burning wreckage of the enemy's ship. The scent of death and burning flesh surrounds me, as I leave the fire and step into the world once more. I am quick to move away from the fire, lest injure myself further. It is a wonder my body didn't disintegrate in the blast, as I held the bomb in my arms. I guess I'm just lucky that way. But enough of my internal musing, it's time to find some clothing, as no respectable being from this planet walks around bare.

It is not long till I find the remains of my former comrades, Jake's allies. I quickly dress myself in the least bloodied clothing and start off after their tracks. I wonder if Jake is alright, if he thinks I'm dead. Of course, I shake my head to clear the obvious, of course he thinks I'm dead. I'm sure they all do, the blast killed almost all living things. I say almost because, clearly, I'm alive and well. I am less susceptible to fire than the monsters the natives and I fought. I say monsters because that is what they were, beings who caused much grief in the universe; Monsters. The natives, as I have yet to know their races' name, were easy to trick. I find it endearing, a good trait of their primitive species. They were very kind to me, easily believing that my family had been killed by bandits as we travelled to their small town.

And I waited, as I knew they would come, as I knew _He_ would come. Sure enough he did, the one I was waiting for. He came in the form of Jake Lonergan, an attractive man who didn't seem to remember anything. But I knew he did, on some level of his consciousness. I tried to confront him, tried to appeal to his baser instincts. It didn't work, at first. But I knew, beneath that corse exterior, he was affected by me. I was surprised, when he pinned me on the ground, his solid form above mine, that I was attracted to him. He looked slightly surprised too, sky blue eyes wide with astonishment, even for just a moment. But then he returned to that bitter man he made himself seem to be. I didn't believe it, I wouldn't.

Of course, the battles and the journey assisted with that growing sexual tension. I've never been touched, and he hadn't been since his capture and escape. When we stopped in that river boat, to shelter from the rain, I figured it was time to confront him again. But instead I saw his torso, muscled and well built, like a sculpture. My arousal from earlier came back in full force, but I remained still until he noticed me. The journey continued, the loss of our comrades weighing heavily on our minds.

My near capture, my rescue and then subsequent death was inherently shocking. I did not anticipate any of the events, much less the romance between Jake and I. He was... startlingly affectionate. Consoling me through my pain and injury as he carried me. Then I started to fade... next thing I know is I'm stepping out of fire, hurting from the heat and regeneration of my flesh.

After that everything was a blur, the beginning of battle, the rescue of the townspeople and our quick but extremely gratifying kiss. I feel terrible for lying to Jake, going to what I had assumed at the time to be my demise. He assumed that I would come out fine, we would leave together, but that was a lie. I never intended to come out alive. _"Ella!"_ My name, or the name I take in this form, was the last thing I heard from Jake. And that was good enough for me, as I assumed I was going to die. But now, my only goal is to find him again. Jake Lonergan, I will find you.


End file.
